Contradictions + Casual Self Loathing

Everyone’s got baggage—mortifications that will haunt us forever, a regrettable high school look, that hug that turned out to be a handshake, the time we self-censored and didn’t say something, the time something beyond our control made us feel like absolute shit. Contradictions + Casual Self Loathing is a glimpse through the many transparencies of life experience, specifically the female experience. How can we celebrate discomfort, awkwardness, the things that push us and the things we don’t like about ourselves?

About the Work

Inspiration for this dance theatre piece grew across the last two years as I observed myself give up space—in presence, in conversation, and in opinion—and also as I reflected on many vastly different iterations of self I’ve evolved through in over three decades of life. There is an abundance of work (arguably never enough, but it’s out there) that rejects the problematic and systemic ways we default to thinking about women, and work that puts the focus and blame on men and various oppressors, but I wanted to present new work that took a humorous and captivating approach to the difficult and unique aspects of womanhood. We need to hear women affirm our shared life experiences, even if it’s mundane or silly or feels unimportant. Contradictions + Casual Self Loathing uses humor, relatability, and hundreds of yards of Saran Wrap to explore how external pain is internalized in the female self.

Currently existing as a 50 minute dance theatre piece, Contradictions + Casual Self Loathing takes place inside a lighting installation that works from the inside-out to light performers with handheld lights, vintage projectors, and more, and serves to present the idea of translucence with translucent plastic scrolls, saran wrap binders and make shift rope, and scribing text throughout the stage space with light. The work utilizes anecdotes and life experience from each of its performers, carefully unearthed and explored through the rehearsal process, and dozens of anonymous women who shared their experiences through interviews with Holman.

Awards, Support & Funding

• NEFA’s New England Dance Fund

• The Dance Complex’s CATALYSTS residency program

• The Boston Foundation’s LAB Fund (2020-2021)

• Dedham Cultural Council

• Boston Cultural Council

• Reopen Creative Boston (Boston Cultural Council)

• The Krolak/Ries Fund

Read The Boston Globe’s feature on the work here: Luminarium’s Contradictions + Casual Self Loathing turns women’s shame into dance

Collaborators

Cast: Jessica Chang, Melenie Diarbekirian, Amy Mastrangelo, Katie McGrail

Dramaturg: karen Krolak

Scenic Design: Adria Arch

Lighting Design: Anne Dresbach

Past Cast Members: Devon Colton, Jennifer Roberts

Showings

Luminarium Dance in Concert

December 6-7, 2019

Multicultural Arts Center, Cambridge MA

Ways to Engage

I am constantly looking for collaborators and interview subjects for Contradictions + Casual Self Loathing—the more voices, the better.

The work is available for touring as a 50 minute dance-theatre work, and also available in an installation format. Please email for a tech rider or to open the conversation.

Research for this initial phase has created a set of workshops (storytelling, devised movement) that are fully customizable for any demographic. They are most appropriate for communities that want to find empowerment through creative means of telling their own stories through creative movement (dance experience is not required), play with light, and free writing.

Dramaturg karen Krolak started this resource list for those that find themselves interacting with the topics that come out of C+CSL or its affiliated interviews.

Please email kholman@luminariumdance.org to discuss possibilities of C+CSL within your community.